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In other words, when my partner is out on a date and I am at home with the cat, rather than stomping around in a jealous rage or torturing myself with what-if-he-leaves-me-for-her thoughts, I would aim to acknowledge my jealous pang as a normal feeling, but remind myself that my partner loves me, that they aren’t leaving, and to be happy that they’re enjoying themselves tonight and to enjoy my alone time with the cat. In comparison with monogamy, in fact, it forces a kind of work on trust that monogamous relationships bypass via the terms of monogamy.

Many take the trust experienced in monogamous relationships to be the epitome of the thing, but from another perspective, the “trust” experienced in monogamy isn’t trust exactly, but rather dutifully carrying out the terms of a treaty.

Do not be fooled into believing that the option to love and be loved by more than one human makes non-monogamy easy. Perhaps the parties involved agree that the monogamous partner will continue to practice monogamy while the non-monogamous partner is free to practice a form of non- monogamy.

It may feel like a more natural state of being, but nevertheless, as with all interpersonal relationships, hard work is not only expected but required. Example: I dated a man who was monogamous by nature, and was so with me, but was comfortable with my having a girlfriend in addition to our relationship, even though my relationship with her did not involve him [read: no threesomes.] On the other hand, perhaps the parties involved will form a compromise that looks more like one partner converting over to the other’s way of being.When there are more than two, it gets a lot more complicated. Especially in modern society where traditional dating rituals are quickly being deemed old-fashioned and uncool, and people are more inclined to just go with the flow.Such a thing is not a realistic option with multiple partners, which requires a greater level of transparency upfront and necessitates constant communication.But café girl goes out of town for two weeks on Friday.Do you wait two weeks and risk the fizzle, or talk to your partner about making an exception?That, or you’re in serious denial about your emotions. People who practice non-monogamy are more than aware of the existence of jealousy, and more than capable of experiencing it themselves.

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