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“We conflate monogamous behaviour, successfully executed over five decades, with the sincerity of someone’s commitment.” Selma van Diest, is an Adelaide psychologist and sex therapist focusing on relationship problems and intimacy.
She has worked with non-monogamous individuals and couples and said “polyamory is a commitment, just in a different way”.
“We were together basically every night, which became exhausting and I just didn’t have the energy for it in the end.” Despite previously concluding polyamory did not work for him, Mr Marrasso said CNM is still something he will always want prospective partners to consider.
“I’m at that point now where I want to build and enjoy life with someone, and I’m not fussed whether or not we bring another partner in,” he said.
American author, journalist and LGBT community activist, Dan Savage, who has a worldwide audience for his relationship and sex advice column, , said a major problem with monogamy in today’s society is the unrealistic expectations that we attach to it.
“Monogamy does not come naturally,” Mr Savage said on his weekly podcast, Savage Lovecast.
CNM is an umbrella term that covers several relationship models, such as open relationships, recreational sex with more than two people, and swinging (swapping sexual partners within a group), but one that has had a lot of airtime recent is polyamory.
The definition of polyamory (from the Latin “love”) is a non-monogamous sexual and long-term emotional relationship where all partners consent to and have knowledge of each another.
“We should start by changing our fairy tales and let children know there are more options than monogamy.” Ms van Diest said non-monogamous individuals and couples in Adelaide typically find partners the same way hetero and homosexual people would: in bars, on apps or through community groups.
Reno Marrasso, 28, who previously entered a polyamorous relationship with his then long-term girlfriend, said they often had threesomes but decided to be poly when they met a woman with whom they had a “perfect triangle dynamic” at a social event.
Similarly, these terms appeared more in the media and public discourse, which the study suggested indicated growing interest and acceptance about CNM.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating