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You will end up with a better relationship as well as a happier child." "When you develop a relationship, don't be in a hurry to introduce your new flame to your child.Your kids have already lost their family," Markham says.
Sometimes referred to as the “abusive boyfriend syndrome,” scholars note there is “a statistically greater potential for instability” in homes where adults and children, who have no biological connection, reside.
“It comes down to the fact they don't have a relationship established with these kids,” states Eliana Gil, clinical director for the national abuse-prevention group Childhelp.
I know so many situations where mothers let their new husband discipline a child, only to end up terribly regretful afterwards." It is wise for single parents to mindfully and slowly introduce a new partner to their children, trusting their instincts along the way.
Once involved with a new partner, setting up the parenting dynamic to center upon on the authority of the biological parent helps reduce the potential for harm.
That is “paramount.” She emphasizes this be done through connecting, and not correcting/punishing.
Papernow suggests the biological parent “should handle most of the discipline while the new parent builds a relationship” and she encourages step/bonus parents to be authoritative “or even permissive” but certainly not authoritarian in their approach.(Even when sexual or physical abuse by an older step/bonus sibling is not a factor, children who live with step/bonus siblings are more aggressive.) Yet, most significantly, one must face the difficult truth that the primary cause of harm to children in blended family settings is the unrelated, usually male, adult – brought into the mix through romantic involvement with the biological parent. As a divorced mother of a young boy, I reached out to Dr. Parenting and author of "Peaceful Parent: Happy Kids," for advice.She shared her top three suggestions to “reduce the risk of sexual abuse/harm post-divorce to children.” Markham strongly suggests the following (I quote her in full below): "Your priority is your child's emotional health, and that means not subjecting your child to a new partner or a series of partners," Markham says."Your child has a lot of adjusting to do and adding the element of a potential new partner for you will increase their anxiety and decrease the emotional bandwidth you have to support them.So stabilize your child's life for at least a year before you even think about dating. Deal with that panic, rather than rushing into a relationship.Nonetheless, “children of divorce – and later, remarriage – are twice as likely to academically, behaviorally and socially struggle as children of first-marriage families: About 20 to 25 percent struggle, compared with 10 percent, a range of research finds.” They are also more likely to be hurt.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating