Invalidating feelings all dating email to email site

I've heard that invalidating someone's feelings is very hurtful, but how important is it?

invalidating feelings-61

The study found that a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses).

Understanding the impact of a lack of emotional validation has been essential for me in healing from the terrible symptoms of internalised self invalidation which led to addiction.

Its a very painful state of affairs and we have no way of healing from it until we come to understand the countless ways in which emotional invalidation operates to block our true feelings, self and needs. Feeling overwhelmed by decision making or just overwhelmed in your ability to function in daily life. Being unable to have a realistic sense of one’s strengths and weaknesses. That is : experiences them only as pulling, pain, tearing, burning, squeezing. One of the reasons borderline personality has that name is that those of us who suffer from it live on the border of psychosis, we live very close to the unconscious, most especially the body unconscious, our triggers of past difficulties, frustrations and traumas are never very far from the surface and often they can bleed through or tear apart our usual mundane conscious space.

Lack of emotional validation sets us up for a disconnected relationship with who we really are. Hoovering (to be explained in another blog.) Hiding true feelings and needs out of fear of being abandoned. Not allowing very real human mistakes or feeling deep shame for making mistakes. Getting a handle on when we are triggered by emotional invalidation goes a huge way to easing our pain.

It also sets us up for further invalidating relationships, until we suffer enough pain to say “Enough”, and realise what is happening. Looking to addictions to ease the pain that we begin to feel when disconnected from who we really are. Fearing getting too close to others with the belief that if anyone came too close they would not like you. It gives us power over our inner world and helps us to make wiser choices informed by our true emotional reality.

Some of the symptoms of emotional invalidation on our psyche are: Feeling that you will never be good enough. Understanding the effects of chronic emotional invalidation and internalised self invalidation is essential to our healing, helping us to shed the false self with all its deeply unconscious fears and insecurities.

Over time, a child who is told their feelings are “wrong” will become confused and learn to not trust their emotions.

This is called chronic emotional invalidation, which is often one of the markers of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Just having a hard time grasping the whole concept..

Say a partner says something that hurts your feelings and when they express that hurt you dismiss their feelings as silly or infantile even though most people would also be hurt under the same circumstances.

Most of the time people don't invalidate whether the experience actually happened, just the interpretation of what the experience meant to the other person.

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