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It seemed common knowledge that apps like Tinder had transformed single life and dating. We weren’t fighting constantly or sleeping in separate bedrooms.We shared a house, political viewpoints, the responsibility of raising two small kids.

“Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how the world beyond marriage had changed? Unlike most of the activities we shared (laundry, taxes, attending birthday parties at inflatable bounce house venues), this turned out to be a lot of fun.

” He looked at me the same way he’d looked at me when I suggested we move in together, or marry, or breed, an expression equal parts terror and love. We picked each other’s profile pictures, bounced off the other’s possible bios.

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As a single woman, I might have rolled my eyes at their ogling. It reminded me of how tipsy I got from the first beer I drank after nine months of pregnancy abstention.

Monogamy had made me capable of getting drunk on the male-attention equivalent of Miller Lite.I received one message after another, plenty from creeps but plenty from seemingly respectable suitors.For the first time in 16 years, men who were not my husband looked at me (or at least at pictures of me), and told me they liked what they saw.My husband and I met at a party on a quiet street in a college town.In the years since, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and talking and writing about marriage, and I’d begun to notice more and more women subverting, reimagining, or challenging received notions surrounding the institution, specifically when it came to monogamy.According to him, they appeared on the app, boldly describing themselves as “married” or “in an open marriage.” Were they actively looking for sex, he wondered? He didn’t know many married women, and he thought of me as an emissary of the tribe, which is a reasonable way to think of me.

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