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Meaning: a woman can tell her devoted boyfriend of a year that since she doesn’t yet have a ring, she’s going to see other people. Believe me, I understand the emotion behind Circular Dating.
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And because way too many women have invested way too much time in men who decided that they didn’t want to get married, CDing is, presumably, a way of protecting oneself.
My argument against circular dating has nothing to do with a failure to understand women’s needs, a defense of selfish commitmentphobes, or a personal axe to grind against Rori or her readers.
My argument against circular dating centers around only one simple premise: If you have a boyfriend who is consistent and kind and also wants to be married one day, and you tell him, in a moment of insecurity, that you can’t stand waiting any longer — “it’s been seven months and we’re not engaged, so I’m going to start seeing other men” — you’re essentially taking a dagger to the heart of your relationship.
And if you have a boyfriend who isn’t consistent, isn’t kind, and never wants to be married, there’s no need to “circular date”. No one wants to waste time on a dead-end relationship. And try though I might, I can’t think of too many confident men who feel that their exclusive girlfriend has a right to date other men after 6 months, 12 months or 18 months, merely because she’s insecure that he might not marry her. I tried, in vain, to reiterate my point of view — which is that I’m offering a constructive, not destructive, criticism of circular dating. To figure out, over the course of time, if he wants to spend the next 35 years with you. You might have a strong chemistry and a great feeling about a guy, but lifetime relationships take years to forge, not months.The definition on her site is benign: “Dating several men (at least 3) all at the same time.You accept the date with the man who calls first, and do not shuffle times or even think about manipulating the schedule in order to get dates with the man you like best, or dates to the most fun places. What Rori calls Circular Dating, I just call “dating”.That’s pretty much the gist of what I said to Rori’s readers. (By the way, if there are any guys here who are cool with your girlfriend dating other guys as a way of protecting herself and forcing you to shit or get off the pot, please speak up. And that’s dangerous if you believe that this is solid advice that considers how men think. Which is why I felt like the guy standing on the side of the road, waving his arms, determined not to let any women go over the cliff with this well-intentioned, but ultimately misguided, take on how to get a man to commit. I “just knew” that my girlfriend in 2003 was right for me. Same with the one in 2004, who dumped me after 3 months. Be careful about rushing into things: you very well could marry the wrong man – where if you dated him for two years, you would have learned more about him and potentially averted a mistake.I used metaphors, anecdotes, capital letters, and wrote the way I normally do on here — blunt, powerful, and very confident that what I wrote has a sound basis in truth. I’m open to being wrong here.)Predictably, then came the blowback. A man who is right for you would not risk losing you to another man while he makes up his mind.I went there to save some lives — and took quite a beating for doing so.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating