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Finally I could understand how lost and scared I felt.
In both relationships I even tried couple swapping – but it didn’t do anything for me.
I was choosing emotionally unavailable partners to protect myself from going down another dark path into obsessive sex.
When I gave in to temptation I briefly felt better about myself, less stressed and anxious, but there was no longer-term satisfaction — as soon as it was over, all I could think about was doing it again. I needed my partner’s approval and craved sex around the clock to get that.
Obviously my fiancé couldn’t stay at home with me all day in bed, but as he was walking out of the room to go to work I would cry and beg him to stay. We both worked from home running a farm together and I’d pester him for sex several times a day. Sex was a means to an end and something I needed to relieve the obsessive thoughts in my mind. Months went by and yet every day I’d beg him for sex. No wonder my partner was convinced I was having an affair too.
It was around then, in 2014, when my sex drive tipped over into addiction.
But every minute I was awake I had obsessive thoughts about sex.I could be loved and desired without needing constant sex.In May 2015 I moved out of my mum’s and rented a house nearby.I met with two psychotherapists who both said my fixation on sex was an obsessive compulsive disorder.While I’ll always feel uncomfortable being labelled a sex addict, it was a relief to have a diagnosis.But the new meds didn’t stop me wanting to have sex – instead they just dimmed the sensations I felt. But then I had a rebound relationship shortly after which was very intense. I told him it wasn’t funny wanting sex all of the time – and that I was never ever fulfilled. Sometimes we could make love for seven hours a day.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating