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These are harmful stereotypes that will not only make your black partner uncomfortable, they will further marginalize them.

You should want to date a person because you like who they are and have compatible views and interests, not because their race is the next thing to do on your bucket list or because you were enthralled by their “exotic ways” (honestly, are you doing an anthropological study on black culture? If you answered no to these questions and you think those assumptions on black womanhood are downright absurd (hint: they are), then perhaps you are well on your way to showing a black woman that you want to date a complete person and not a stereotype!

So in order to combat the harmful stereotypying of our people, try to compliment us without the caveat! It’s assumed that that everyone belonging to that group thinks and behaves the same way, but that is never – – the case.

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He kept touching my hair without my consent, was legitimately disappointed that I could not twerk, and called me “sassy” whenever I voiced an opinion that was different from his.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the first or last awkward date I’ve had with a white man.

White men have the privilege of not having to actively think about their intersections of race and gender, which is starkly different from black women’s realities.

White men navigate society with relative ease while black women are teetering on the precarious margins of race and gender that they do not have the privilege to ignore.

We ended up hitting it off, but it wasn’t until our first date that I realized I had underestimated the wingman’s abilities.

The guy did, in fact, have some kind of black girl fetish.

And when these stereotypes are internalized and then manifested in society, it could have severe consequences.

More often than not we are looked over for jobs, we do not receive adequate education or medical care, and we are imprisoned at much higher rates than our white counterparts all because blackness is rarely associated with positivity. Often, someone from a marginalized group is expected to be the authority on that group’s culture, but that’s an unreasonable expectation.

Though racial microaggressions are felt by every marginalized group within the dating realm, I am building upon my own personal experiences with heterosexual, cisgender white men to offer suggestions on how to ease racial tensions that may arise in a white man/black woman pairing.

Once, I was at a bar with friends when two white men approached me.

My friend likes black girls, but he doesn’t like them too dark!

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