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Steven Rhoads, a professor who teaches a class on sex differences at the University of Virginia, said he analyzed decades worth of research on sexuality and biology for his book "Taking Sex Differences Seriously" to conclude that men and women are "hardwired" differently.Hookups have deeper psychological costs for women, he said, noting that anecdotes from his students back up the research: Female students often tell him they are hurt by casual sex in a way that male students are not.Then she started to cry, questioning whether it was worth the effort.
"That's the stuff that helps people grow up," he added.
The key to developing solid relationships lies partly in early education, said Steiner-Adair.
The boys don't know it, he said, because the girls don't want to tell them.
For boys and girls alike, crucial lessons in how to relate to each other are getting lost in the blizzard of tweets and texts, experts say.
The effect on boys, however, is less often part of the discussion.
Conventional wisdom tends to oversimplify the situation to something along the lines of: Boys get to have sex, which is really all they want. Reality is far more complex than this, in ways that can affect young men socially and emotionally well into adulthood, according to Steiner-Adair.
Dan Slater, the author of "Love in the Time of Algorithms," agrees.
"You can manage an entire relationship with text messages," he said, but that keeps some of the "messy relationship stuff" at bay.
They describe it as "goofing around, flirting," said Catherine Steiner-Adair, a clinical psychologist and school consultant who interviewed 1,000 students nationwide for her new book, "The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age." How the hookup culture affects young people has long been debated and lamented, in books and blogs, among parents and teachers.
A general consensus is that it harms girls, although some have argued that it empowers them.
"We are neglecting the emotional lives of boys." In interviews and focus groups, Steiner-Adair talked with boys and girls ages 4 to 18 at suburban public and private schools, with consent from parents and schools, about their relationships and influences.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating